Still Plugging Along

No, no, I haven't given up just yet. According to NaNo stats if I write around 3000 words a day from now until November 30 I'll finish right on time. That's still within my personal realm of possibility, if I could just focus.

Every once in awhile my anxiety sneaks up on me and I wonder why I'm even bothering to write. It's not that good anyway. Who would ever want to read this piece of crap? A writer is her own worst enemy.

I have to remember that I'm doing this for me, because I love to do it, and so what if no one else ever reads it? At least I can say I finally finished a book. Once I finish the first one, the next one will be easier, and maybe the one after that will be a big hit.

I'm almost through the first chapter with two more scenes to go. I wrote a break up flashback the other day and cried the whole way through it. If I can feel it, then the reader can feel it too.

She chuckled despite herself, " yes, actually, yes i do. Jay, I love you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I mean that, sincerely from the very bottom of my heart. "

" I know you do, baby. Believe me, I hate this so fucking much, but it has to be this way. Some day it'll make sense. I promise. " jay leaned over and kissed her forehead tenderly, tangling his fingers in her hair, pulling her head tight against his chest. Abby allowed him to hold her as she cried, absorbing his words. " please don't cry, honey. I'm so sorry, Abby. I really truly am. "

" Are you ok? " she asked suddenly. None of this made sense to her. He hasn't given her a real reason for leaving, for breaking her heart.

Jay smiled at her weakly, “ Of course, my darling. “

“ I don’t believe you. “ He kissed her forehead again.
“ I know … but that’s the only answer you’re going to get from me right now. “
Staring in to her eyes, he stroked her cheek gently. “ Please tell me I haven’t lost you forever. “

Abby wanted to scream at him, tell him of course he’d lost her; he crushed her heart and soul, but there was something in the way he looked at her with complete desperation that stopped her. It pained her to know that he was keeping a secret from her, especially one that kept them apart. She could tell that he needed her now more than ever, and no, of course he hadn’t lost her. Abandoning him was not an option.

“ I’m here. I’ll always, always be here, Jay. “

Sighting deeply, he kissed the tip of her nose, “ That’s my girl. “